is your mom at the bar?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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