wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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