Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
