So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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