She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
