If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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