No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
