Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
