So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize