Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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