my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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