batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
