i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
