you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
