SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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