It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
