It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
