Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
