I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
