After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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