youre lurking in front of me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
