my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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