You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
