Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
