I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
