I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
