Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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