I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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