D3 body, D1 cock
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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