The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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