I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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