i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
