We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
