Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
