I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
