will power is for people who don't want to get laid
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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