Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
