I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
