Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
