Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
