I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
