idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
