im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
