My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
