dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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