he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
