So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
