I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
