1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
NoShamevember. You game?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
