how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
