Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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