Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
