Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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