is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
