before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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