he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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