It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
