after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
