I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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