how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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