Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
