You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
