Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
