my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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