Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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