need another drink. this is the easiest way
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
