Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
