And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
