they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
