i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
