I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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