I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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