Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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