New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
