she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
