What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
