remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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