First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
