he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
