she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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