it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
