the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
