I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
