you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
