made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
