Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
